I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
