my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
