i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
