No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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