Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
