Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
