yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
