So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't deserve a penis
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
