dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
