surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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