I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
