Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
