He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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