We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
