Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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