just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
