IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize