The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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