This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
