you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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