i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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