We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
