Where did you get a picture of my penis
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have feelings that need drinking.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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