I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
