He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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