Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
