Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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