but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
