i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
