i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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