We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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