Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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