At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
