It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
then he tried to convert me to islam
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
