We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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