dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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