Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
