we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize