I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
