dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
