I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
