I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
