It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
