Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
