My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
