We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize