I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
