did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
