i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
