My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
