I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
