Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize