a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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