We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
