brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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