i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
