What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
