I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
