i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
