it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
