she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize