Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
