Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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