Pappa wants mamma naked
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
