pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
