I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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