can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
