My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
