so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
