You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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