Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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